Tuesday, July 21, 2009

My Two Noses

One day I woke up with two noses. It was very queer, for I distinctly recalled going to bed with only one nose the previous night.

I studied myself in the mirror. My two noses were positioned on both cheeks of my face, symmetric. It then struck me- which was the new nose, and which was the original? Or, for that matter, was it possible that neither was the original, both having spawned during the night, with my first nose being whisked away to somewhere. I was unable to decide on which was the truth, since I did not recall any peculiarities about my first nose. Perhaps all noses were swapped and replaced in the night, and we were all unaware of this because we did not study our noses with enough intensity.

It was with some reluctance that I decided to venture outside with my strange affliction. And indeed, my noses brought me much anguish and embarrassment. If only I could describe in entirety the variety of dirty looks that I received! And sometimes the cruelest of jokes were brought to bear- "My friend has two noses. How does he smell? Bad!"

Gradually, though, I got used to having two noses, and I suppose the novelty of the sight wore off. I eventually came to realize that having two noses did come with some benefits otherwise denied to ordinary people. Some people believe that having twice the number of noses merely increases your olfactory senses; a matter of degree. They could not be further from the truth. Rather than just having an enhanced sense of smell, my olfactory abilities were of a superior nature and capability. Just as having a pair of ears grants binaural hearing, having a pair of noses enabled me to accurately locate the direction and distance of a smell. It was an interesting ability to employ, though not always of extreme practical use.

Socially, I did have to make some adjustments. It is always awkward to know who farted in the lift, or of the true source of pungent odors. However, once people became aware of my olfactorial-location abilities, personal hygiene seemed to increase. Not a bad outcome for the strange event of having two noses, if I might add.

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